“Have you unpacked those vases yet?” Melinda called out to her assistant, Natalie, as she straightened a dusty painting. She took a step back, surveying the ancient (but dull, let’s be honest here) painting for a moment before smiling to herself in approval and turning back to the front of the antique store she owns and runs. Just seconds later she let out a gasp, catching sight of a teenage girl standing in the middle of a grand dining table. Well… she wasn’t so much standing in it, as it was standing in her. The table came to about waist height, and the girl seemed perfectly happy with her current location. The girl had long, sleek hair, the kind that can only be achieved through professional straightening, and the dark locks were frosted blonde at the ends. Her green eyes flicked up to stare at Melinda, a slight sneer on her otherwise indifferent face as she slouched against the wall the table was shoved against.
Melinda took a moment to compose herself, adjusting to the surprise of unannounced customer before she tilted her head slightly and offered a friendly smile to the newcomer. “Can I help you?” She asked as she made her way over to the girl, flicking her gaze up to the bell hanging over the front door briefly as if making sure it was still there.
The girl flicked her hair over one shoulder, looking around the antique store with barely concealed boredom. “Nah I’m good.” She muttered in response, casting her gaze over the store quickly before settling on inspecting her nails. “The stuff here’s kinda old and boring.” The girl paused for a moment, her eyes training on the painting Melinda had just straightened. “Not to mention dusty.” The girl snorted at this, shaking her head in dismissal of the store in general as she looked back down at her nails. “I’m just waiting for my sister.” She threw the explanation out thoughtlessly, practically oozing indifference as a manicured hand rose to cover a yawn.
“R-right…” Melinda nodded slowly, a confused look on her face before she shrugged it off, turning back to the dusty painting and grimacing to herself as she rubbed at the dusty frame. “Oh!” The bright smile returned to her face as she remembered something. “What’s your name?” She asked the girl, spinning around again to discover a now empty store. “Oh… okay…” She sighed to herself. “Maybe another time then?” She muttered more to herself than the now absent girl, doubtful of her chances of ever meeting the ghost again.
“Did you say something?” The voice of her assistant rang out, as the middle aged woman staggered in under the weight of a large cardboard box. Melinda blinked in surprise as she turned towards her assistant, before shaking her head slowly. “No… nothing.” She forced a smile to her face, a look of curiosity and frustration in her eyes.
“Right then.” Her assistant started, a bright grin on her face. “Where did you want those vases?” She asked as she dumped the box down on the counter heavily, an unnerving breaking sound issuing from the cardboard box, earning a wince from Melinda as dollar signs start running through the boss’s head. Rubbing her hands together, she turned to face Melinda, leaning against the counter as she awaits an answer.
Melinda frowned thoughtfully, looking around the store quickly as she considered this dilemma before gasping and starting forward. “Look out for…!” Melinda’s sentence trailed off as she watched in horror as her assistant leant against the counter, the woman’s elbow knocking the cardboard box from its stable resting place and sending the antique vases crashing to the floor.
As the sound of breaking pottery subsided, the grimace remained frozen on Melinda’s face, frantic calculations of how many thousands of dollars worth of damage had just occurred running through her head. How much would it cost her store this time?
“I can fix it, I can fix it!” Natalie sang out, a hopeful smile on her face as she crouched down next to the box of now broken antique vases. “We just need some glue is all!” She promised cheerfully as she righted the box and started scooping up fragments of pottery. “Now…” A thoughtful expression formed on Natalie’s over optimistic face as she peered at the various fragments. “Which piece goes with which vase?” Natalie pondered aloud, as she held up a piece of the remaining fragments and tried to determine what shape and pattern it had once formed.
The grimace slowly melted from Melinda’s face, to be replaced with a tired look of disbelief as she turned and walked out of the store slowly.
Today had not been a good day.
A clear ‘ding’ from above her brought a smile to her face as she passed through the front door… at least that silly bell was still working!
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Hey Jess! Had a look at your story and well, it’s pretty cool (since I’m not a big fan of this TV show) and simple but I got to say that you left me wondering and hoping for some frightening and gore details. Let’s just say that the choice of a child to play the ‘mean guy’ is becoming more and more popular (eg. “The Ring”, the new released “the Unborn”, etc.) and you made me want more out of this :P, like..I don’t know…maybe it’s Melinda unknown sister who came back to haunt her for whatever reason and blablabla. Anyway, you also mention a “bell hanging over the front door” and I wanted to know if it has a specific role (I don’t know about the movie), like a kind of protection against ghost or other stuff like this. But what else can I say? You choose to follow the original version and you did it great! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Jess, well…first of all, I am not a fan of Ghost Whisperer TV show/movie. However, I have googled it and tried to get an outline of this story. It is quite an interesting TV shows by the way, I want to watch it if I get a chance later on.
ReplyDeleteIn your story, there were some creepy situations. For example, as you wrote ‘catching sight of a teenage girl standing in the middle of a grand dining table. Well… she wasn’t so much standing in it, as it was standing in her.’ I also like the way you said something creepy in the beginning, but you gave us something funny and less creepy at the end. It does balance my feeling. (ha ha)
By the way, I agree with CrêpeNutella. She said that children play the role of ‘mean guy’ in the story is getting popular. For example, The Unborn, The uninvited, etc. No matter it is about the unknown twin brother/sister or murdered.
Anyway, nice story! It gave us the creeps….
The teenage ghost isn't meant to be a 'bad guy' or anything...in the beginning I had a kind of parody storyline in mind, but then I realized it was WAY too long for just 800 words so I cut it down a lot. ><
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments! :D
Hi Jess
ReplyDeleteI've never watched The Ghost Whisperer but I thought that your story did a good job of being enjoyable whether or not you've ever watched it notwithstanding. A story is nearly always successful when you're able to get absorbed into it without needing the show's history in order to get the references, otherwise they'll just go right over your head. So that was your first coup - writing it in such a way so that we get it regardless of whether or not we're fans.
Your writing style is awesome, even poignant in places ("She threw the explanation out thoughtlessly, practically oozing indifference as a manicured hand rose to cover a yawn"), so as far as ghost stories go, it definitely gave off an eerie atmosphere. If there's anything to criticise, it's probably the fact that the story ends at one of the most interesting parts and then draws to a close before we really get a chance to get to know Melinda or Natalie or what's going to become of them. But then, if you've ever read my story, who am I to talk right?! Anyway good work Jess, job well done :)